I seem to be on a trend here of smashing two pseudo rants and/or stories together and calling it a blog contribution. I'm tired so that’s all the intro tonight’s piece is going to get, hope you're entertained.
Psychelists
Having a bicycle as a main source of transportation is a wonderful thing. It promotes both a healthy life and healthy world, being out in the fresh air instead of cooped up in the very carefully ergonomically mass manufactured cocoon that is the drivers seat of your generic commuter car. I wish I had the disposable income myself to purchase a bike. However I've got a building animosity inside me towards Mr and Mrs cyclist and its not misplaced jealousy or envy that fuels this rage fire. That’s a fat lie, my trousers are actually a flame at the moment, I'm very jealous and very envious. The apparent fact that none of the 'rules of the road' apply to these two wheel hooligans is enough to rocket my blood pressure into cardiac failure on a daily basis. Day after day as I sit staring vacantly at the rear end of the vehicle in front of me my peripherals catch a cyclist darting in and out of traffic, switching from the road to the side walk and back again, pushing cross walk buttons and simply riding through red lights when traffic is at a stand still. Then we have those that feel the need to risk their lives by riding in lanes on main arteries where the average vehicle speed is between sixty and ninety kilometres an hour, refusing to share space.
As I stated before I'm all for bicycles, they just need to choose whether they're a vehicle or a pedestrian, having the best of both worlds simply wont do, not for this guy. I may make it a priority when I become emperor but for now I'll have to settle for screaming vile strings of obscenities in their general direction.
My, what a foul scent you have!!
Here is a novel idea, lets cover up a potential undesirable aroma with something that smells significantly worse but since people will know we did it on purpose it will be acceptable. Of the many silly archaic traditions that exist in our society this has to be the worst, in my opinion at least. My sense of smell has never been very sharp, especially after my date with the tree which left a fracture along my sinus. Needless to say I'm usually the last person in a room to notice a smell, many times I've had the roommates approach me 'Town! You got a dead hooker in your room? It smells like it'. Nine times out of ten its a dirty plate or a glass of milk that has backed itself into a dark corner and began to rot, the tenth time it usually is a deceased prostitute. Where I'm going with this is that if your nasty perfume or cologne can make me reel back in disgust I cannot imagine what it does to people with an acute sense of smell or allergies. Many pass off the abuse of synthetic scented oils as covering up body odour, an easy unhygienic solution to smelling 'good' and I do use the term 'good' very loosely. I've got a different theory, look at the type of people that drench themselves in perfume and cologne. I'm being very general here, there are always exceptions to the rule but just play along. Alright what do you see? A very manufactured inorganic being correct? Lots of hair product, makeup and time spent(wasted) on their appearance. Often in positions which require a forced human interaction and feign relationships such as sales or the service industry. These are in fact not people at all but parasites inhabiting human shells, the god awful artificial odour is a feeble attempt to mask the stench of their decaying souls. At this point in time I do not know their true purpose but I feel I can confidently say do not have fear. Should their intentions prove malicious any aggressive behaviour should be easily repelled with a verbal retaliation regarding their appearance.. call them fat or something, they'll run away crying.
K, bye.
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